I bet that you already had your share of misunderstandings because someone said something to you, about you, directly or indirectly and you felt hurt. Do you remember how thick the air became? Do you remember how rage growing felt?
Gladly we live in a Era where people do not take matters on their own hands, otherwise we would have many duels to defend honors (and egos).
In my last article I wrote about Don Miguel Ruiz’s first agreement. Let me welcome you to the second agreement.
“Don’t Take Anything Personally”Don Miguel Ruiz
I can hear your mind saying “Yeah yeah, so you are telling me that someone will be speaking falsely about me and I will do nothing, not even be mad about it”.
Before heading heads-first in this agreement I would like to talk about this “getting mad about it”.
Most people live in a stage where they go with the motions. There is just too many things happening – waking up early, get the kids ready to school, leave them at school, go to work, leave work, grab one kid at the karate and the other at the soccer practice, head home to give baths and cook dinner, put kids to sleep…uff…Life is just too damn stressful.
In the meantime, everything that is happening in between is just pure emotional reactions. Sometimes we don’t even realize when we started to be mad about something. We just react, sometimes in violent emotional outbursts.
When I first learned about Don Ruiz’s agreements, I also had this believe that it would be impossible to not be mad. Mainly because I didn’t realize when everything was starting.
Fortunately I did a 8 weeks Mindful-Based-Stress-Reduction (MBSR) course.
In this course we did many exercises, in class and at home, mostly meditation techniques to allow us to be fully present in the moment. It does not matter if you live in a rush style. You will savour every bit of it. And then, all those stressful moments will be available to be “savoured”.
So, when you start feeling that you are about to have an emotional outburst, you may choose to stop it and give it a moment to think about it.
Ok, back to the second agreement. When someone speaks wrongly about you, feel the emotional response your body is suggesting but allow your mind to be filled with this thought – What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dreams, their own fears.
What others are saying about you says more about them than about yourself. This is the great liberating truth. You will no longer be affected by others opinions or actions and you will stop being a victim.
Accepting this second agreement will be liberating. You will have fewer “duels on honor or ego”.
So, long story short I believe this is a two parts story. First you must be fully present and allow yourself to learn that you are on a roll to an emotional outburst. And secondly, allow yourself to react with the second agreement in mind.
“Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”Mark Twain