Throughout life we make change decisions. Often times these decisions are so disruptive, so lunatic that even close friends cannot believe in the success of the endeavour.
Most of those decisions we make are related to behavioural changes – “I will be more organised”, “I will eat less junk food”, “I will exercise more”; others may be related to purchasing something – “I’m going to buy a new house”, “I’m going to move” or “I’m going to buy a new dress”.
We are in the “what” domain, what we want or are going to do.
It’s true that you will be able to comply with these decisions for a while. Come on, it’s not that complicated to spend some time without eating junk food, or trying to go to the gym more often, or going up the stairs instead of using the elevator. And who doesn’t like going to the mall to buy some new clothes?
Yeyyy….so it’s possible to succeed in those decisions!Your inner “I”
So I ask you, why are most of the disruptive decisions we make, not lasting? Why do we go back to old habits, sometimes too easily and quickly?
Perhaps because when we make such a decision, we are focused on what we are going to do and not so much on “why” we want those changes to happen.
“From now on I will eat less junk food and be more healthy.”
But why do you want to be healthier? What is, really, your intention?
“From now on I will be more organized at work.”
But why do you want to be more organized? Is it just to increase your productive? And why do you need to be more productive? What is your intention with that?
“This year I will fight for a promotion.”
But why do you want to be promoted? What will it take, is it congruent with your personal values?
“From now on I will be more fit and lean.”
But why do you want to lose weight? (this is a very personal example).
Each New Year’s eve, that was my resolution for the new year. Whenever I thought about it from a behavioral perspective, I never managed to be more than 2 months focused on the goal. But when I changed the questions, I managed to go deeper. My intention is not stuck in “being fit and lean“. My intention is to have a body that is functional and with energy, to allow me to enjoy my children’s childhood, creating good memories with them. I want to have a lifestyle that allows me to be happier, to have joy and desire to be with my children, to transmit good vibes and good examples to them.
You see, the end result of the behavioral change is the same – I am thinner and with a “summer body” (as teenagers like to call it) – but the intention behind this decision made all the difference to keep me focused and with purpose.
So I leave you with this invitation, next time you want to make a decision that changes routines or behaviors, ask yourself what you really want, what your real intentions are.
As long as we only want to change our behaviour, we are not actually ready for any personal transformation.